On being judgmental
What is a judgment?
A judgment is a value based opinion on something. Take the statements:
- Tony Abbot is Australia’s worst Prime minister
- All men/women are selfish assholes!
- Family is more important than fun
Let’s look at the first:
Tony Abbot is Australia’s worst Prime minister
This one is tricky – worst Prime minister by whose standards? What is the value here?
Is this a judgment? I’ll let you decide
All men/women are selfish assholes!
This one is a bit easier. Clearly the “all” implies everyone. This makes this a judgment.
Family is more important than fun
What does that even mean? For some, “family” could mean your immediate family, the “family” you feel at your church or social group or it could mean your friends.
“Fun” can mean many things to many people. What my wife thinks is fun is very different to what my sons or I think is fun. The value is that one is more important than the other.
Clearly a judgment!
So now that we know what a judgment is, now what?
No really, now what?
Well it depends on the “value” of the judgment.
I know myself that I am very judgmental. On the other hand, I don’t hold a value on that.
What does THAT mean?
Well, ever been wrong? Ever felt the sting of being wrong? Ever felt someone (or perhaps yourself) has gone out of their way to prove you wrong?
What did that feel like? The moment where you gasped for breath and realized “Oh shit! They’re right!”
While you are holding on to that memory, take a pause. And try something different.
Mentally rewind the video by 5 seconds. (Wait for it, this will blow your mind!)
Say to yourself – who cares? Who cares if they are right or wrong? Now play the video…
How does that feel? A little different?
Who cares if your judgments are wrong?
I’m not sure if this is a western thing, or a Christian religious thing – (if you know, leave a comment!
I LOVE being judgmental – for me, accepting that made a massive difference to my life. Yes, that person maybe fat / skinny / happy / sad / tormented by some type of emotional distress.
If you are happy – tell me why?
If you are sad – how come?
If you are tormented by an emotional distress – probably better off speak with a therapist!
But here’s the kicker – if I am right, then how can I help? If I am wrong, then who cares? How are you feeling? What is going on in your life?
For me, being judgmental moves the conversation forward. It forces both parties (me and you) to make a decision. Once that decision is made, then great! Tell me something exciting! Teach me something I don’t know.
You should try being judgmental sometime. It may surprise you!